Speaking of relationships! Let’s talk about feeling rejected when relationship perimeters shift.

I’m graceful to myself. I allow myself room not to be perfect or have it all together and for relationships to be fluid in my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about the other person, it means I care enough to respect that they need or want something different in various seasons of life.

I was sharing about relationships recently and want to chat about that for a minute.

The whole I want to be in relationships with people who want to be in relationships with me thing is so real in my life-I love it! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s not new.
I feel like I came out of the womb that way.
Sure, that’s probably not true but I feel like I came here like that.
I have no memory of trying to fit in or be in relationships with people who didn’t want to be in relationships with me.

I do have a memory of being in first grade and Sheila (the light-skinned black girl with long straight hair) telling me I couldn’t play with them. That day stuck with me because I remember walking off thinking “okay, no problem” and I’ve been that way as long as I can remember. If I ever wanted to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be in a relationship with me I have no memory of it.

Fast forward and let’s call him Jim for the sake of this write-up. Jim was my first official boyfriend in high school. When we decided to be a couple I said “if you meet someone you’d rather be with just come and tell me. Don’t play any games or do any sneaking around. Just tell me and I’ll let you go and we can be friends. But, understand if you do that we will never be boyfriend and girlfriend again.” #TrueStory

Jim did meet someone.
Jim did come to me, we talked AND we broke up and redefined our relationship as a friendship.
We are friends to this day.

I’m a firm believer in tapping into God-given abilities and I believe God equipped me to not try to force relationships. I only want to be in relationships with people who want to be in relationships with me. This is my mantra for personal and business relationships.

I feel as though many people feel rejection because they want a relationship that someone doesn’t want to have with them, the question is why? Why do we want to be connected in places that don’t celebrate us?

Let’s use my relationship with Jim.
If Jim isn’t celebrating me as his girlfriend then I don’t need to be in that position. If he wants to celebrate someone else that’s what he should do. I only ask one thing…love and respect me enough to let me know and do the right thing regarding me. This does not make me feel rejected it is in fact a show of love and respect.

I think there’s a focus on ‘what does she have that I don’t have’ that causes feelings of rejection.

We’re all different when it comes to comparison. Personally, I don’t care what she has I just care that Jim honors me by doing what I asked. That’s what’s important to me.

But I also understand that’s a pretty abnormal perspective.

No one belongs to me. I don’t own anyone.
If they are with me whether personal or business they are with me of their free will.
If that changes for them, they are able to go.

Does it ever hurt me or cause feelings of rejection.
I can’t say that it has.

That’s likely because I prefer people GO if our connection isn’t serving them in any given season.

The reason I prefer they go is when a season in life is over if you stay in it it often becomes toxic and unhealthy. If it becomes toxic and unhealthy that’s when it’s painful.

I believe it’s about perspective.
I can say “they left me and that hurts!” or “they saved me from the pain of a toxic relationship”.
How I view it is my choice.
AND will factor into whether I feel rejection or not…

Credits N Stuff:
Photographer: Stephanie Bolton
Style: NJ Stevenson + Bilal Alan Of Bilal Alan Photography